Retreat reflections,......

Both Anna and I have spent substantial periods of time during the 18 months in retreat. It's hard to explain the reasons why or to articulate the experiences that can arise in these silent, self-imposed, inwardly reflective spaces. They are both intensely personal and at the same time contain Universal elements at some level. Issues such as our unavoidable personal Death, the quest for happiness and peace, what it means to live a 'good' life and how to do that are all common elements of being human - issues we all face. Either consciously or unconsciously they exert a pull on our lives.
Our society, at least the mass-culture level of our society, does not really openly acknowledge the importance of the inner life - the life of the heart and mind - let alone have clear ways to explain it, encourage understanding of it or tools to promote positive inner transformation. Our culture is presently caught in a shallow worshipping of surfaces and is deeply wedded to a radical materialistic worldview. This worldview largely denies the validity of subjective inner experiences, simply because they cannot be measured 'objectively' beyond the 'random' collisions of particles.

However, the 'subjective' and 'objective' worlds overlap and exist interdependantly upon each other. Thus denying the validity of inner, subjective reality makes it very difficult for us to integrate our body of knowledge and thereby robs us of wisdom, values, deeper purpose and ethical vision. For all of these things arise in dependance upon subjective and inter-subjective experience. This is their context and they have no meaning without it. A culture and society bereft of ethical vision, purpose and wisdom is a sick one indeed - the flotsam and jetsom of individual lives unanchored in anything much beyond sensory titilation is all too apparent. What a bummer hey!

The body of Buddhist wisdom and philosophy is a pivotal inspiration for Anna and I, largely because it provides methods and means of investigating, understanding and transforming subjective inner experience ie. "know thyself". Any understanding that then arises is based on personal investigation, via meditation, of mind/body phenomena, rather than dogma or religious views per se. Little insights can arise all by themselves in the space of silent, clear attentiveness that views all things in an allowing embrace. Ways of thinking, believing, reacting and behaving that make unessasary misery for ourseleves and others begin to reveal themselves and start to drop away naturally. The transparancy and interconnectivity of all phenomena begins to shine,......

So, below is a selection of ramblings and ravings from retreat spaces, written whilst in silence, mostly as kind of notes/reminders to myself. It is nothing particularly illuminating or original, but it is offered here as a way of trying to share the inexpressable and connect with you at the level of shared humanity. I was very suspect about the notion of doing this for many reasons, but on the off chance they may touch some inner-chord with positive resonance, they are offered up. Enjoy.

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"The way the world appears to you says more about your state of mind than it does the state of the world."

"If there is any satisfaction to be experienced, surely it is related to how things are done - the qualities that are embodied whilst in action. The peace, prescence, joy, patience, love and mindfullness etc. Not the thing itself. Thus all actions, from walking to breathing, the most complex to the most mundane, are all opportunities for emboding the transcendant. Moment by moment letting go,......allowing space."

"The appearance is mind.
The apprehension of the appearance is mind.
The ignorance that believes the appareance to be true is mind.
Any story you hold about the appearance is mind.
Any attraction/clinging or fear/replusion you experience towards the appearance is mind. The awareness of all this taking place is also mind.
Nothing here but mind!
What are you afraid of?? - your own mind?
What are you being seduced by?? - your own mind?
To add judgement to it really is taking the game several steps too far,....."

"The mind can conquer 1000 galaxies by mid-morning and the arse never have left its seat"

"Its not a matter of bringing the mind back; it never went anywhere - thats the point.
It looks so enticing all those lights and flashing movement,.....
Its more a matter of getting it to wake up and experience fully where it is"

"There is no 'life' - only 'lifedeath'.
There is no 'arriving' - only 'arrivingleaving'.
There is no 'creating' - only 'creatingdissolving'.
In every beginning is its own ending, inseperable in nature.
All meetings contain the conversation of their final parting.
Let go this fleeting instant."

"Here's the deal - whether you want to let go of everything or not,

there really is no choice - you have to.
It IS happening, unstoppable.
So, align with it and create peace or resist it and create friction and pain."

"The mind/Universe is so empty of intrinsic qualities, so pliant and shapable,
that it can only give back what you put 'into' it.
A quantum ripple returning. Karma,....
If you put out clinging energy, this comes back, likewise anger, love etc".

"It is easy to speak of courage when fear is absent.
Much harder to be attentive fully when fear is present and not to split".

"Without distraction; fully attentive to what is.
No judgement; accepting everything.
Seeing the purity of all things in emptiness; inseperability.
The minds own energy reflected back - the perfect teacher, the perfect illusion.
Nothing to chase after here, nothing to fear either.
Sponteaneously complete.
Don't be distracted by this dream, remain aware and deeply present."

"Acceptance of all feelings is vital,
acceptance of all thoughts is crucial.
Acceptance of all that arises in this body/mind is in fact essential;
for without it deep understanding cannot occur.

Acceptance is spacious and silent,
acceptance is open and non-judgemental.
Acceptance is relaxed and unfabricated with itself.
Acceptance allows clarity and mirror-like wisdom to occur naturally.

Acceptance brings peace to the table,
acceptance brings deep inner quiet.
Acceptance opens the heart and lets love
through the door and out into the world."

"Two truths:
1) I know nothing at all relative to the magnitude of the unknown that surrounds me.
2) Whatever fixed concepts of myself I hold, positive or negative, are not true at all. The actuality is highly fluid and infinitely changeable, but conditioned by actions, attitudes and beliefs."

"Without stillness, there is no clarity.
Without clarity, one cannot see.
Without seeing, ignorance prevails
and one is bound to make the same mistakes over and over and over,......"

"Each moment of this life, each little action, thought and gesture, can be an expression of;
deep attentiveness, or dull repeatativeness;
courage or fear;
gratitude and wealth or inner poverty and lack;
connection and wonder or fragmentation and the staleness of thinking I already know;
a tender heart that is willing to risk everything to stay open or the long sleep of a dark mind.
Just keep choosing."
"A vast void swirls openly around the blazing needlepoint of this present moment.
Do you have the courage to abide here?
Without wavering, without reference, without wanting anything else at all?
The sirens voice of your own dark fog beckons.
The choice remains,....."
"The act of seeking for spiritual fullfillment in ordinary ways can cause two big errors that can keep one perpetually circling.
1) Reinforcing the dualistic notion of 'I' searching for 'something' out there, something to aquire.
2) Buys into the belief that you are not whole and complete already at the deepest level, reinforcing a sense of inner poverty and 'lack' and therefore continually wanting to 'fill-up'.
Need to stop this game!
Everything you have ever wanted, ever hoped for, ever sought, ever needed -
you already have within.
The jewel treasure is already yours child, just open your eyes."

"Acting out of a space of wanting to 'fix' or 'help' another,
as if they are broken or somehow incomplete, can create major chaos and fails to see the point: ie. just love and accept them as they are, without agenda.
This allows open, creative response to flow"

"It is precisely our sensitivity to pain, our tenderness and own experience of suffering that enables us to empathise with others.
To open up our hearts with compassion to their suffering.
To know beyond words that we are soooo the same. Therefore this sensitivity is to be valued and honoured; don't run away from it - face it, fully. It has much to teach you."
"Whatever I thought I'd accomplished - I have not.
Whatever I thought I knew - I did not know.
Whatever I thought I've done - I never did.
Whatever I thought I am - I was never that.
Whatever 'I' thought at all were concepts based on unknowing; deception without foundation. Best to abandon this kind of thinking."

"Love everyone.
Let go of everything.
Now."

"All situations are workable; some fluidity exists, inner or outer.
Creative responses are boundless and all arise out of the unknown.
Love and kindness are inexhaustable and grow in strength through application."